Tax That Ass

(Tuesday, March 18, 2008 WASHINGTON D.C.) It's tax season folks!

In a recent study conducted by The Craigson Institute, 1 in 4 employees of the Internal Revenue Service find sexual satisfaction in "Taxing". Marc Drake, a tax agent for the IRS, "During the off season I prefer strip clubs and amateur pornography, but it's tax season now, and there is nothing more sexually pleasing than filing a return".

Neil Cowherd, IRS Auditor, "This time of year you see strange stuff around the office. Last week I saw an accountant hiding behind a copier masturbating on top of a W-4 form...Classic".

The study is new but this type of behavior isn't. Cowherd remarked, "It may seem odd or even sadistic, but the truth is, whatever gets you off--porn, bondage--taxing; the act itself is trivial. What matters is that you are enjoying yourself".

So folks, when you get your return back from the dirty boys and girls of the Internal Revenue Service, if page 3 is stuck to page 4, you'll now know why.

Lil' Weezy For Prez '08

(March 12, 2008, ATL, GEORGIA) American Hip-Hop icon Dwayne Michael Carter, AKA Lil' Wayne, AKA Lil' Weezy, has annouced that he will be running for President of the United States. In a landmark press conference in Atlanta hosted by MTV Networks, Lil' Weezy confirmed he will be representing the newly established Cash Money People's Republic Party. Michelle Darabont, Newsweek, spearheaded the conference with several key issues.

ECONOMY:
LW: I'll make it rain. I gets paid, you gets paid. Ya' kna' wha' i'm sayin'?

THE WAR ON TERROR:
LW: I'll kill all dem mothafuckaz ova' dare in Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and all dem niggaz up on the east side of Halifax between Gregson and Crenshaw.

EDUCATION:
LW: Fuck it.

THE WAR ON DRUGS:
LW: I use drugs. I ain' gon' lie. I think everybody should use drugs. In fact, all drugs will be legal when i'm prez.

EXPERIENCE:
LW: I'm very experiencial. I started in tha' rap game when i was 13...and i fuck mad bitches all day.

FOREIGN POLICY AND DIPLOMACY:
LW: Foreign policy? (thinks) I don't want to give away too much, but I can say DMX will be very much involved. As for diplomacy, I'm very good friends wit Dipset. Cam'ron and I smoke once a week. Get crunked, naw wah i'm sayn'?

THE BUSH LEGACY:
LW: Would I impeach him? Hell yeah. Although, as far I know Bush is from Texas, and they don't have peaches in Texas. We'd have to do two things. Either deport him to Georgia or Import more peaches to Texas.

Spitzer Resigns; Looks to YouTube for Hope

(March 12, 2008, NEW YORK) New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned today after paying a prostitute for sex. "I am deeply sorry" the Governor said, "I will try once again outside of politics to serve the common good."

When asked by Jim Hudson, ABC News, on what exactly the governor would do to pursue the common good Spitzer had this to said, "I will spend more time on the Internet, rather than directly cheating on my wife. I'll start checking out videos of girls on YouTube shaking their booty. I like a little junk in the trunk." Hudson replied, "That's not exactly an admirable way of dealing with the issue."

Spitzer cleared his throat, "Sometimes you got to Superman that ho'."

McCain Wins The GOP Nom; Hillary Dumps

(March 4 2008, NEW YORK) McCain receives the Republican Nomination and endorsement from President Bush.

Meanwhile, Hillary wins key states Texas and Ohio

Mrs. Clinton also won Rhode Island, but Rhode Island isn't a state.

Paul Jones, Dallas Morning News, asked Mrs. Clinton about her current personal comfort level. Clinton had this to say:

"Well, I'll say this. With all the stress of the primary election, it's been extremely difficult for me to use the toilet. BUT, last night I had the distinct pleasure of taking a tactful, well managed dump."

Will There Be Blood? Your thoughts folks....

MTV Admits Madonna DID Seduce a Television

(Sunday March 2, LOS ANGELES) George Kasdan, Public Relations of MTV Networks speaks to the Press:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

Kasdan: We have confirmed that in 1994 during the filming of "Take a bow" Recording Artist and Actress, Madonna, did have a sexual encounter with a television. She was in her underwear when she straddled the television. At this point, after several accounts from various sources we do believe the television was seduced.

For video footage of the seduction please check this link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=T1asAYQT4mA

Thoughts?