Beetlejuice Linked to the Cosmos

"I don't know. I ain't got nothing to do with this"

(APRIL 14, NEW YORK) Canadian and French astronomers have discovered the coldest black dwarf star in our universe. The black dwarf is named CFBDS J005910.83-011401.3 Its temperature is about 350°C and its mass about 15-30 times the mass of Jupiter, the largest planet of our solar system. Located about 40 light years from our solar system, it is an isolated object, meaning that it doesn't orbit another star. Black dwarf stars were first discovered several decades ago with the emergence of Gary Coleman, however, none have been so scientifically valuable as this most recent discovery. Thanks Beet!

G.W. Bush--The Movie

(APRIL 8, LOS ANGELES) After making JFK the movie, NIXON the movie, and 9-11 the movie, filmmaker provocateur Oliver Stone has decided to direct "W" a biopic depicting the 8 years of hellish rape, torture, and murder committed by the current administration. The project will be primarily shot in Louisiana, and will be released before the "Dubya" leaves office.

Below are some reactions to the recent announcement:

Marc Seattle Wash. April 8th, 2008 3:38 pm ET

I will see it only if it shows Pres. Bush with his pitchfork and devil horns.

Steve A. Moore Smithton, Mo. April 8th, 2008 3:39 pm ET

The only two things I want to see about George Bush are him leaving office for good, and his obituary.

John from Chicago April 8th, 2008 3:10 pm ET

Is this movie going to be a comedy or tragedy??

dennis north carolina April 8th, 2008 2:55 pm ET

why pay to see a movie when we watch every night on the news media the bush story un-edited.

Chuck in Alabama April 8th, 2008 2:29 pm ET

What a waste of celluloid. Think we’ll find this one in the DVD bargain bin at Wal Mart for $3.99 at Christmas?

Cubans Get DVD Players; Haitians Get Jack

(APRIL 2, HAVANA, CUBA) Just one day after April fools, Raul Castro, brother to el jeffe-Fidel, has made unprecedented changes to the Cuban system including the commercial sale of DVD players, cell phones, and other soul crushing devices.

In response to the breaking news, citizens of nearby Haiti responded with Jealousy.

Pierre LaDuke, "Us Haitians have been living under a more free society than the Cubans, yet the manufacturers in Japan, and America still have not exported DVD players to Haiti". LaDuke angrily continues "Why? I ask why?"

Why? Well honestly, the U.S. doesn't give a damn. They want to protect their investments. Haiti is not an investment. It is a toilet. However, everyone deserves their fair share at watching a decent picture.